He’s left and you’re crushed. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat or you eat too much, and all you can think about is getting him back. But the real question to be asking yourself is: If he left because of an affair, do you really want him back?
He Cheated on You
If he left because of another woman, you need to ask yourself if you really want him or you are just mad that someone else has him. She didn’t steal him. He left. Regardless of what she said or did, how she may have come on to him and how she may have tried to entice him, if he didn’t want to go he wouldn’t have. So stop planning on how you are going to slash her tires or spread rumors that “she’s a ‘ho” and understand that the decision to leave was his. Now it is up to you to decide if you really want to try to recover a relationship with someone who can be “stolen” away so easily.
If, after careful consideration, you decide you want him back you need to make a plan. Forget the idea of following him until you can create a public scene to declare your love, texting and calling constantly or stalking him. You are not going to win him back by acting like a maniac. Think about it. Would you want to return to someone like that?
Instead, let yourself be the person he originally fell in love with by rebuilding your self-esteem and going on with your life. Yes, it will be hard, but it will also serve notice that you are still the same person. If you had lunch with friends before him, have lunch with friends now. If you got up every day and went to work, hold your head high and keep going. Show him that you have not changed, even if he did. The best thing you can possibly do is remind him of who you are.
If he decides he wants to come back, and if you decide you want him, insist on counseling. As a couple, you need to figure out why the relationship crumbled to the point that he felt an affair was appropriate. If you don’t address the issues that led to the affair, chances are there will be a repeat in the future. Ask yourself if you are willing to commit to months and possibly years of counseling to recover the trust that has been lost or if you may be better simply letting him go.
If he refuses to come back to you after an affair, consider yourself lucky. You are now free of the person who cheated on you and broke your heart. You will recover.
You Cheated on Him
But what if it was the opposite scenario? What if you were the one who strayed, he found out and he bailed? Now you feel horrible that you made a mistake and you want to prove it was just a one-time thing. You want to regain his trust and try to get him to give you another chance. To do that, you have to start with you.
Meet with a counselor to try to figure out why you would make this decision, knowing what was at risk. If you want him to believe that you are serious about recovering the relationship you want, you will have to start by changing whatever behavior or thoughts that led you to make the decision to stray from the relationship you had.
Once you have begun your journey of why you made the choice to have an affair, you can begin to repair the relationship. Begin by showing your man you understand the damage you have done and are making strides toward preventing this type of behavior from every happening again.
Ask him to join you in counseling to repair your relationship. Give him time and space to come to terms with his own feelings. Don’t hound him by begging for a second chance. If he wants to give you one he will. If not, use this as a learning experience to prevent yourself from going down this road in the future.
An affair can be the end of a relationship, but it can also be something that brings you closer as a couple. Rebuilding trust after an affair can be challenging, but not impossible. It all depends on how both of you act afterward. It will take commitment and getting your man on board is a decision only he can make. The best way to get him back is to allow him to make the choice to come back and allow yourself to choose if you really want him.
Kelly Sharp - Kelly Sharp holds a Master's degree in Education and a Bachelor's degree in Communication, and has been involved in training in a variety ...
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